Heathens Highway

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you”, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct … leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a Divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”

Mr. Kincade slips to the dark side. Yea, I know I said I was not going to post for a while but this is blog worthy. Remember how I lost Kincade? Well, he finally showed up just in time to catch our taxi to Pattaya and to let me hear all about his episode from the night before.

Apparently, Mr. Kincade pulled a post-op ladyboy off the street that night and didn’t know until it was too late. For those of you who don’t know what that means, a “post-op” is a transsexual who has had “the surgery” and had his/her cock turned into a pussy. Often these are the prettiest of all ladyboys in Thailand and due to the fact that they take so many hormones, it really can be difficult to tell until it’s too late. Just about every guy I know has been fooled or was close to being fooled by a stunning post-op at one time or another, self included. But I’ll tell ya, mine was straight off the pages of Penthouse Magazine. A perfect 10. It was only the lack of vaginal lubrication that gave her away. However, that is a story for another time.

Kincade tells me a blow by blow of his story and it was similar to mine, but he said that she was so hot and so horny that he didn’t care, and did her anyway. ALL NIGHT LONG AND ALL MORNING LONG!!! Wow! Go Kincade!

When we made it to Pattaya, we dropped off the bags and headed to the mall where I asked him if he was fucking with me or not because this was out of character for him. He turns to me with this face (see pic), and says “do I look like I’m fucking with you? I fucked a ladyboy and liked it.” It was priceless.

Will he continue down this slippery slope? I’m going to bet on yes. Stay tuned!

For as much as I walk around all day trying to imagine what every woman looks like naked, this is a must have. No longer will I break my neck trying to get a cleavage shot, an upskirt or a down blouse of the sexy MILF with heavy hangers. I can just open up this nifty phone, point it at her and start taking photos that I can beat off to later. Yes!

So the question is, who is really going to make this, and when you do, where can I buy it? And just to let you know, I will be dumping my entire life savings into your company when you go public. Call it a hunch, but I think this sort of gadget would catch on.

That’s right, Iran.

CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT IRAN’S BOOMING PORN INDUSTRY!!!

I figure I can get top dollar for this content. If anyone wants hardcore movies from Iran, please contact me. I will be there shooting with John T Bone through the month of August, after he is deported from Thailand.

“What are the odds that I would get caught in both countries back to back?” John said this afternoon while chatting on Skype. I agreed and booked our tickets.

There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — You can’t get fooled again.

John called me today to proudly confess that he just saw his penis for the first time in years. He was giggling like a little schoolboy.

I threw up in my mouth a little.

And for a brief moment, the world stood still.

Here it is.

Now what are we going to do?

This is the first look at the new Thai Special Forces and Home Guard units that were sent in to bring peace and order to The Kingdom Of Thailand.

Word has it that once they spread a nasty case of Gonorrhea throughout the land, The Kingdom will be theirs for the taking.

Apparently the guard units are also controlling the hospitals, clinics and pharmacies where all STD medicine is stored and administered.

“These whores were not messing around!” claims an American bystander who was nursing his cock wound outside of Nana Plaza. “They moved with such precision and speed, it was impossible to stop them!” said Yootapong Sanatari, a General in the Thai military.

I will post more as the story develops.

Found this on a message board today.

A Serious Question about Superman’s Sperm

“So this week has been stupidly crazy for me, from working like a mule (not a sexy mule mind you) all week to the peak of me nearly getting my foot cut off from my new lawn mower (look, they expect you to read a manual to properly operate the machine, manuals are miniature books!), it’s just been a overly crappy time. Well I finally got to go see Superman Returns with a friend and we got into a highly gay debate about Superman’s… sperm. Keep in mind that everything below would fall into the SPOILER category, so if you haven’t seen Superman Returns, just don’t read any further. Unless you like sperm. Then you can keep reading.

Being an avid superman comic book fan for the majority of my life, I was quite perplexed by Superman having a child with Lois Lane. It wasn’t a problem at first as from Superman II we all know that Superman was temporarily powerless and banged Lois like a set of expensive drums, but regardless throughout the movie (Superman Returns) we are questioning whether or not the kid is Superman’s or not. Well in Superman Returns, towards the 2.5ish hour mark we actually find out that the kid is his because the kid goes apeshit and murders a guy (now that’s going to fuck up his psychology) by throwing a piano at the dude… so now we are 100% certain the kid is his.

Ok, so this is where the debate began. Since there are only three really established ways to kill Superman, those being Kryptonite, Magic, and Gargantuan amounts of pure physical strength (ala Doomsday), we can assume then that all of Superman’s cells are near about completely immortal. So Superman bangs Lois, shoots her full of billions of sperm (hell, this is superman bitch, TRILLIONS of sperm). Since then all of his cells are immortal, wouldn’t this make it so that his sperm would forever be inside of her, continuously impregnating her again and again and again after each pregnancy? So shouldn’t she have five super brats hanging around?

Well… this debate probably would have continued but it was turning super gay. I never got into my final closing arguments about whether or not super abortions could have been used to terminate her future pregnancies by using kryptonite laced cannula or nice pair of kryptonite forceps. Oh well, maybe during the next Superman movie they will get into the many super abortions she had to endure to get rid of all those half kryptonian freaks.”

The best reply in the entire thread was from “MaddCaz.”

“No such thing as a serious question about Superman’s sperm.”

Today I started shooting some make-up scenes for a gay movie I made and 2 of the scenes did not turn out as wanted. I was supposed to shoot with Allan, one of the Brazilian boys, but he was unable to shoot and I had no choice but to use another Thai boy.

My Thai assistant went out and found a top and a bottom. Both were good looking boys, one of them so gay he left a trail of rainbow flames behind him as he walked around the room. “Intergalactic uber gay” are the words I am looking for.

I shot the solo photos and started into the scene where I was planning to shoot the BJ footage, then stop and do the BJ photos, then move on. Being that they were inexperienced, I would have to walk them through this step by step. Not a problem, I’m used to working this way.

The first boy sucks the hell out of the other boys cock, and when it comes time to switch the other boy says, “can not do, I not gay.”

WHAT THE FUCK!!??!!??

So this freaking little boy refuses to suck the other boys cock because all of a sudden he is not gay.Besides the fact that he works at a gay bar. Besides the fact he is a gay prostitute. Besides the fact he said he was gay. Besides the fact he was just letting another boy blow him on video… he is now saying he is not gay.

Then it hits me. Even the gay boys pull this stunt!

The girls do it all the time. So do some of the ladyboys. The lazy whores will tell you anything you want to hear until they get to the room and then they say they can’t do this or that, after they told you they already can. Tell you they will do anal and then when it comes time to stick it in their ass say they don’t do anal and can’t do anal. The trick is for them to bullshit you into paying their bar fine, getting them out of the bar, and paying them for doing less work. Or even better, no work at all.

Some of them then want you to pay them full price so they can leave without having to work. This is very common these days and a damn good whore trick. I mean really… what are you going to do, call the police on them? And they know this. The boys are no exception to this rule it appears.

So I lose my cool on this scamming little fuck and tell him at least he has to jerk him off and fuck him. I let him slide on the cock sucking, because while that is gay to him, the other acts are not.

He jacks him off a little but neither of the boys have any wood at all.

Fuck.

The scene just went to total shit. I want to murder them both.

I’m not one to give up on a scene, so we tough it out until there is a little wood and we can somewhat finish this sorry excuse for a scene. The “straight boy” was finally able to cum, and the other boy, the intergalactic uber gay boy, beat his limp dick for an hour and could not cum. I called it a wrap.

As they were getting dressed, the intergalactic uber gay boy admits to being awake for 3 days on drugs.

Then the phone rings, it is John T Bone.

John: I just had the worst shoot.

Me: What happened?

John: It was 6 people, 2 girls and 4 boys… bi sex.

Me: And…

John: We spent all day shooting photos and 30 minutes into the scene when it came time for the boys to start fucking, they told me they couldn’t do it because they were not gay.

Me: The exact thing happened to me today! Wow. Maybe they called each other this morning and planned it out. Boyztown is out to get us I have heard.

John: They wasted my entire day. This was a big event, lots of planning. They all said they were gay! Fucking liars, all of them.

Me: What’s the cat think about this?

John: The cat is gone. Jenny ate him for real this time.

Me: So your boys were not gay AND Jenny ate the cat for real?

John: Yup, I think so. He had such a bright future ahead of him.

Me: Fuck. Your day was worse than mine. I need a blow job and a massage, wanna go get a Soapy?

John: Can’t, I have four more boys coming over now to finish the scene. I may throw one off my balcony just to prove a point.

Me: And what point would that be?

John: That they had better suck cocks when I say to start sucking cocks.

Me: Best of luck with that one, sorry about the cat. I hope twinks can fly, I hear some of them can.

(I really read that somewhere)

That was the last I heard of him… 8 hours ago. We both had been fooled by the Boyztown Punk’d Posse.

Hell is… shooting gay porn with boys who are not gay.

This one takes the cake. I’m hanging out on Soi Muslim (where all the Arabs hang out) this morning around 7:30am after a scene, and looking for a thick girl with some fat tits to nail before I go to bed. That’s when I found this girl. Thick as a milk shake with a pretty face and a fat ass.

Rare for an Asian girl, but not rare for this area of town as the Arabs love girls with meat on their bones.

I make my move totally unprepared for what is about to happen.

Me: Hey, where you go?

Her: I look man.

Me: Look at me please… I’m a man, looking for lady.

Her: Where you from?

Me: America.

Her: Infidel. I don’t boom boom Infidels.

Me: Are you shitting me? You’re Thai.

Her: I am Muslim woman now. You are Infidel. Bye.

At this moment I was completely blown away over what had just happened to me. I was determined at this point to bang this girl, what ever the cost.

Me: Wait wait, wait… I want speak to you about Islam.

Her: OK, what you speak?

Me: How much for you to fuck an Infidel?

Her: Can not.

Me: How much Arab man pay to you for short time?

Her: 400 baht.

Me: How about I pay you 2000 baht and I don’t put a Jihad on you.

Her: Huh?

Me: 2000 baht and no holy war.

Her: Mai kow jai. (I don’t understand)

Me: 2000 baht, you boom boom with Infidel. I can tip you with a goat.

Her: Mai kow jai. (I don’t understand)

Me: 2000 baht.

Her: OK, where you stay?

Me: Somewhere that does not allow Arabs.

Her: OK, we go.

And we were off. I won the battle… but lost the war. This bitch would not blow me or jerk me off. She wanted to lay on the bed while I banged her quickly to cum.

Her: Why you move like snake?

Me: Shut up, I’m trying to cum!

And I did, but I had to think about horrible, horrible things in order to get off. I came hard, paid her 2000 baht, and put a Jihad on her anyway.

This whore deserves to fuck Arabs.

I was going to post this the other night when I found it, but thought it may bring bad luck.

Seems they have already dug shallow graves for Mr. Kincade and I along side Beach Road at the entrance of Walking Street.

Not sure what we did exactly, but rumor has it this has something to do with John’s cat and his blog.

I’m not sure what is going on over John T Bone’s place but his cat is looking rough.

Maybe he has cat AIDS or something.

Down to his last life.

Strung out on catnip and abused by ladyboys.

Dying of feline cancer.

Hasn’t slept for days.

Ran out of money to finish his kitty porn movies and is stressing out.

What ever it is… I don’t want to get any on me.

I got a phone call this morning from John T Bone asking me in a serious voice to build a blog for his cat.

HIS FUCKING STRAY CAT!!!!

I hung up on him.

“Tiddles” is his name and John has apparently been teaching him how to shoot and direct.

Not that it’s a hard job, but word has it the cat is hot shit with a serious attitude.

The cat has left Johns apartment twice and ended up down the street at my door. I hate cats and never take him inside my place when he shows up, but I’m thinking he followed the sent of the Brazilian boys to my place. Or maybe he is just wanted to sneak onto my set and get some pussy in the bathroom. Anything is possible

Hmmm. Maybe I should build him a blog. The industry is full ass hats, why not add a porno cat to the mix? Couldn’t hurt.

I’m losing my mind.

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you are face down in the sand, covered in cream, getting ass raped by a large brown dog wearing a funny hat, while all your friends are laughing and cheering on the dog?

I feel like that today.

Well, minus the funny hat part.

I slept like shit due to some bad food I ate late last night that kept me on the shitter puking out of both ends. Erg. I need to work today but my asshole is singing a different song. I’m sure this is all just Karma for the gay movie I shot last week.

Hell is… getting raped by a big brown dog while your friends rejoice.

So I’m banging this whore today on Soi 6 and she got pissed off at me because I did not wait for her to cum.

I told her that I PAY FOR SEX so I don’t have to pleasure the girl unless I want to out of the kindness of my heart. When I pay for sex, it’s all about ME.

Then I explained to her that if she wants ME to get HER off, that it was going to cost her the exact same amount I just paid her to get me off. She did not find that amusing and our time together ended on a sour note.

Tomorrow I will be taking her a complementary copy of the best selling book Selling Pussy For Dummies. Sure to be a best seller in Thailand. Maybe then she will understand her job duties and limits of her chosen profession.

But then again, I may be assuming too much by thinking she can read.

Greetings,
My name is Ronald McDonald and I am the mascot for McDonalds. My job is to put children at ease and to associate fun and happiness with our brand. In other words, I have been hired and paid over 200k a year to help make you fat and addicted to McDonalds food.

Part of my job is infiltrating foreign countries, such as yours, and whoring myself out in a manner that will make you love me and our food.

In Thailand, you can find me greeting each and every one you with the traditional “wai” as you enter our restaurant. This should put you at ease, make you smile, eat a burger, clog a few arteries and put on a few pounds. This is the American way. Trust me, you’ll love it.

We all know that rice is not putting any meat on your bones so please give us a try. I personally guarantee that we will fatten you up to look like an American. Just be sure to SUPER SIZE everything and you will be on the road to McBliss.

Love,
Ronald McDonald

P.S. Don’t forget to try our new McBuddha Burger with fried McRice, it is delicious.

Only in Vietnam can you eat a dog and a snake in the same day.

Against our better judgment, we stopped at snake restaurant (yes, they have those here) to buy a snake, kill it, and drink its blood for power. Or something like that.

The crazy looking Vietnamese man who owned the joint took us to the back and let us choose the snake. Of course if we’re going to do this, we’re going big, so we pointed to the biggest looking fucker they had. He said our choice was a poisonous snake, but fuck if I know. When your drinking snake blood, a snake is a snake.

All I can really say about what happened here is that it’s all fun and games until you almost vomit and snake blood literally shoots out of your nose as you gag. It’s not a pleasant experience, trust me on this one.

The blue pill looking thing you see in one of the photos below is the snake’s gall bladder. Yea, really. The person who pays for the snake is the lucky fuck who gets to eat it. Sometimes it sucks ass being the boss. And while you don’t actually chew the gal bladder, you just swallow it with a drink of blood. Then you can take the rest of the snake home to skin and eat the meat.

I passed on the gall bladder and gave the meat to my Vietnamese friend. I gotta draw the line somewhere. We were only here for the snake blood, and that’s as far as either one of us are willing to go today.

What does it taste like? Well, they mix the snake blood with rice wine so it has a little bit of an alcohol taste, but make no mistake about it, you clearly taste the blood. Ever have your nose busted and had the blood pour down your throat? Remember that taste? It’s like that, plus rice wine, plus snake funk, with just a hint of good old fashioned Vietnamese communism.

There are more photos of this, but Bin took them and his camera was stolen a few hours later. Yea, really. I just snapped these on my camera. Now I’m wishing I had shot them all.

I found this photo today on a message board and they were discussing how it was a photo shoot gone wrong.

Holy shit!

I can’t imagine how many turds the photographer had in his pants when this happened. I have no idea how it ended, but I hope nobody actually got hurt.

What a cluster fuck.

If anyone has more info on this, I’d love to hear it.