2006 – Year of the Heathen
by dwb
2006 was the year of the Heathen.
In Asia it will soon be the turn of the new year. Not by their calendar, but by ours and it is the American way to say that’s all that matters.
I can honestly say that 2006 flashed by me in a blink of an eye, and a squirt of a cumshot.
We worked too much. I’m not sure exactly how much content we shot, but it was a lot. Many, many, many DVDs worth. For me, 2006 is one cum shot after another and one immigration line after another.
While I made a lot of money in 2006, I lost touch with a few friends along the way. It’s a shame how that works out.
With the help of a few good women, I made a couple of babies. Most of which never took their first breath. Not the first time I have been with a woman who had an abortion, but it still weighs on my soul sometimes. An ex-girlfriend of mine had an abortion and I went into the room with her during the process. The sound of the device while sucking out a child, the vacuum I assume they call it, was almost too much to deal with. She was crying, “you’re killing my baby.” It was heavy.
I’m getting off track.
With the help of my brother from another mother, I started a new business. It’s still in it’s infancy, but 2007 looks like it’s going to be a good year. I can’t wait to pay Uncle Sam more of my hard earned money. He and his wife are the only married couple I know who appear to be happy. Not good odds for those of you idiots who are getting married in 2007.
I caught Gonorrhea once. OK, twice. Those Asian strains are som bitches to get rid of as they have grown resistant to the standard meds used to clear up the drip. You learn something new every day don’t ya?
When I go back to the USA, I feel like a stranger now. I don’t know where anything is in my apartment anymore. I can’t find all the light switches in the dark. But the trade off to forgetting where your light switches are, is an incredible apartment in Thailand with an ocean view.
I spent time in Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Philippines & Singapore. Fucked whores in all of them. That’s not my purpose for travel but it does help me waste the time after I’m done doing the tourist shit or adventure roaming. So I did get around in 2006, literally, and had to have 20 more pages added to my passport after getting refused departure in Cambodia for not having a single place for them to place an exit stamp. They refused to stamp the very back because it has an autograph of Kid-Rock on it.
During this miserable experience in Cambodia, I sent a text message to a friend of mine and got this reply: “cool. find a whore 2 fuck while you r there.”
Whore mongers to the end.
One night out drinking I lost a shoe and didn’t notice it until I was sobering up and it was long gone. That morning I held onto my bed and vomited out of control, minus a shoe, as the room twirled out of control. That was the last time I went drinking with Jscott and Dugmor.
I met some great new friends. Met some strange fuckers and a few people who I would rather not see again. I also grew a deep hatred for the incredibly rude middle eastern pricks who have invaded Thailand. I call Jihad on them and their hypocritical ways.
We were chased by the cops. I paid off some cops. Someone went to jail.
My baby brother got his Real Estate license while I was out of the country. That came by surprise and added to the reality check of me getting older. That check first came when he turned 30 this year. How does your little brother turn 30? Wow. But I’m very proud of him. Very proud.
My mom found a new boyfriend (she has been single for a while) and is in Love. I have never seen her so happy in my entire life. They even got tattoos like white trash hillbillies. He likes porn, smokes weed, and thinks I have the best job in the word. I’m happy for her and as long as she’s happy… that’s all that matters to me. Go mom! 2006 was a kick as year for her.
Kman tied the knot with a woman. I repeat, Kman tied the knot with a woman. I don’t think I need to go into detail on the magnitude of this for those of you who know him, but for those of you who don’t, it’s as close to Hell freezing over as they come. Speaking of… the above pic is how he gets down. Respect. Please note, there is only one female in that photo.
I wish I could say I did more this year, but it was mostly spent working, traveling or breaking international laws. However, if I had to sum up 2006 in a word… Whores.
So what will I do this year for new years? First I will tell you what I won’t do, and that is a repeat of what I did last year on new years. In fact, I spent it with the same guys that I lost my shoe with (Jscott & Dugmor) and spent it in a drunken stupor barebacking some chubby Thai hooker with ENORMOUS tits on the piss covered bathroom floor of a Go-Go Bar in Pattaya. < insert joke about the first case of 2006 Gonorrhea here > I can assure you I won’t be doing that again.
This year I will be sitting at home, in Kentucky, watching the world have fun on TV. It’s cold and wet. But to be honest, how can I top last year?
Happy New Years to all of you!!! I would tell you to be safe, but we both know there is no fun in that. Safety is for pansies and men named Shelia. Have unprotected sex with a stranger. Lose a shoe. Lose your pants. Get shit faced and drive home. Some of you just laughed, some just thought I was being irresponsible for saying that but we all know it’s reality and it’s going to happen.
HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!