Sometimes I make porn and stuff. Sometimes I just ramble.
From this day forward, Hicks will be known as “Hurricane Hicks.”
Then gave him a slogan… “Hurricane Hicks, Suckin’ Dicks!”
Then he then punched me in the eye and now it’s almost swollen shut. Yea, really.
So as I sit here and type with one good eye, I thought I would post a photo from today.
If you have ever worked with T-Girls before, you may think many of them are a pain in the ass. Trust me, you do not know what a pain in the ass is until you have tried to work with a Colombian transsexual. There is a reason you see very few Colombian trannies showing up in DVDs and online. The smarter producer bypass these whack jobs and head to Brazil and Argentina, and truth be told, Brazil is full of nut job trannies as well but I’ve never seen anything like the fuck-ups we’ve encountered here.
It took us a long time to find guys insane enough to raw dog these T-Girls and now when I try to make the shoot happen, these fucking hormone unbalanced people go out of their way to mess it all up. I find guys to fuck them, I scout and find the T-girls, I round them all up and get them to the clinic so they can test for HIV (they all pass), and then when it comes time to shoot, they ALL flake in one form or another.
Even scouting them was a hassle. We had a brick thrown at our car, had a knife pulled on us, Kincade got punched. It’s been a cluster fuck just trying to talk to them.
Today was shoot #3 with a T-girl, the first two fell apart when they were a no show. At least this one showed up, but came 3 hours late and forgot her ID. I gave her taxi money (bad idea) to go back to her house and get it and we never saw her again. Her phone was turned off and the taxi money spent. Probably drugs. The crazy thing is that she does have an ID because we saw it when we first met.
It’s a shame I am not able to get these girls shot because some of them are stunning. 100% passable. A few Cuba Libres and you would never know the difference. Hell, even totally sober you probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. They are hot, no doubt about it.
You know your going to have a crazy day when your friend wakes you up with, “hey dude, wake up… I just got off the phone with the tranny… we gotta go” and then leaves the room and leaves behind the smell of home grown Colombian sticky. My interest was peaked.
I spent my day riding around in a taxi with my friend, 2 transsexuals and a cab driver who fucks donkeys (“Coma Burra”). Yea, you read that right. Keep reading. See, here in Colombia some people think that if you have sex with a female baby donkey, you will get a large cock when you grow up. Uh-huh. So some country boys here fuck donkeys and our taxi driver just happened to be one of these guys, as is his brother, who we renamed, “Coma Burra dos.” I wish I could make this up but I couldn’t event dream of something so insane.
Hunter Thompson has a quote, “You don’t find acid. Acid finds you when it thinks you’re ready for it.”
Applying that to “crazy situations” I have to believe the same applies. Just swap out the word “acid” for “crazy situations.” You don’t find crazy situations. Crazy situations find you when it thinks you’re ready for one.
OK… where was I? Ah yes… Donkey fuckers.
“Coma Burra” means Donkey Fucker in Spanish. The brothers are from this day to be addressed as “donkey fucker 1″ and “donkey fucker 2.” You can say it in English or Spanish, it doesn’t matter. And why doesn’t it matter? BECAUSE THEY FUCK BABY DONKEYS!!!!! Nothing matters from this point on. In fact, nothing may ever matter again.
DF1 and DF2 are so open about it that it’s creepy, but we are still using them every day as our personal drivers and somehow, in some odd way, there is a bond taking place. Maybe we need D1 and D2 and maybe they need us. Is it possible the universe brought us all together as fate? No fucking idea, I’m high as fuck right now and tripping balls on the fact that these two dudes fuck baby donkeys and I’m going to roll with THEM.
I’ll post pics in a day or two of donkey fucker 1. BTW, donkey fucker 1 is married and STILL likes to fuck the young donkeys. He said baby donkey pussy is better than a real womans pussy. Hmmmmm. Sounds like a trap in the making to me.
So here we are in the barrios where people are riding horses and donkeys around and with me, my Colombian dope smoking friend, two 1/2 dressed transsexuals and a donkey fucker who is wearing a ball hat that says “criminals” on it. We’re driving around on dirt roads in some of the scariest places known to man, looking for girls and trannys to make pornos. Glorious. I have a moment of clarity here and decide at this very moment, the universe is as it should be. We’re going to move forward.
At this stage, all we needed were a few teenage schoolgirls and some hard drugs and we would of been set. Well, one of the trannys had some coke but I don’t touch that shit. Not here, in the middle of the craziest group of people I’ve ever been surrounded by in my life. I’ll pass this time. So then I guess all we needed were some little girls and it would of iced the cake of insanity. Today has been insane my friends. Just insane.